It's weird to think about those experiences, good or bad, that absolutely change your life, and I can only imagine since nothing has happened in my life significant enough whereas I can feel its effects indefinitely. Like a car crash late at night and your friend dies and you're seriously injured, or horrid sexual abuse. Something that you will never ever forget and you will think about it daily. Like a weight on your chest always. I'm so thankful nothing as bad as that has happened to me, nor anything equally as good. I would give up all the good in the world if it also took the bad with it, to be content. And there's no way I'm lucky enough to get through the rest of my life without something as terrible happening to me, but what and when will it be? How will I deal with it? I know it's coming because there's absolutely no way I'm lucky enough to escape it.

Someone will die, someone close to me, someone whose face I've looked at for years, and studied, and known, and loved will die. I don't think I've met this person yet. Maybe I have but everyone is so far away, I'm surrounded only by new and unfamiliar faces.

There's no way a good God exists, because if he exists he is not good at all. No good god would do such a shit job of taking care of its creations.