I don't understand how you can be distracted from thinking about it. Just think about it for half a second, that's it, you're hooked. What are they supposed to do? JESUS CHRIST! LIFE IS SO FUCKED UP! I DON'T KNOW ANY OTHER WAY TO PUT IT! It's really that simple. What is all this? Some people get shit but the rest of the world still goes about being productive. That is so wrong. The poor thing, the poor poor thing. She's so close to death and she is so so scared. What has this life been? It ruptures my heart when I imagine what her thoughts must be. There are so many others out there going through the same thing. I can't be the only one that feels the urgent need to provide personal care and comfort for someone who is in hell already. The human concepts of hell are nothing compared to reality. Poor, poor thing. What can I do? I am so utterly sorry. Jesus' sacrifice on the cross should not seem miraculous to anyone. WHO WOULDN'T GIVE THEIR LIFE WILLINGLY TO END ALL SUFFERING? I would in a heart beat. Too bad that it wouldn't solve a thing. Sometimes still, I revert back and try to talk to God for some sliver of neo-lithic comfort; soon after, it dissipates, and I'm left again with this outrageous existence. It really is outrageous, you know? And I know that so many other people have said the exact same thing I have, and in a much more elaborate and romantic design, but people really need to fucking pay attention to this shit. The language is necessary. It's an interesting perpetual cycle. Because the World demands your productivity, you become productive. You then become part of the World, which for some unknown, vague, idealogical reason, demands your productivity and adds unnecessary pressure onto those who are yet to become productive through differing mediums such as money, social procedures which are acted upon through formed environmental habit, and other such things that have been invented ENTIRELY to distract us from questioning the ideology. Is this cliche? Is this just Pink Floyd talking? Has a drugged up hippie said something of the like while tripped of LSD? I want to fight it so bad, but I would die of starvation long before anything real would happen. The World owns what you need. Ownership, property, just more distractions. I don't know what to do. Would I even be questioning any of this if everything that I had planned had gone according? Fuck no, if I were in Arizona right now with $40,000 moving into my dorm meeting new people, preparing to be immersed in Astronomical and scientific study, words could simply not describe my state of being. Some words can be likened such as, heaven, or bliss, or self-actualized, but none could fully encompass the feeling. Astronomy is pretty far from The World, right? UA isn't. They are packaging lives. Education and actualization are god damn products to them. THEY NEED MY MONEY BEFORE THEY CAN GIVE ME KNOWLEDGE AND GROWTH AND that one small step closer to self-actualization. THEY WOULD'NT EVEN BE GIVING IT TO ME, I WOULD BE EARNING IT. Maybe this is just a baww post, but I feel like my hand was wrapped tightly around the door to heaven and that now I have been vacuumed away, back to hell. I need those stars. I need this universe and all of its nothing. I don't need ANYTHING ELSE. How do I get it without UA? I feel like all of this is Earth shaking, but someone else has said it before and it has and will go unnoticed. I'm not a damn victim, I DIDN'T DO THOSE HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS SO I DIDN'T GET THOSE GRADES SO I DIDN'T GET THAT MONEY SO I DIDN'T GET THAT UNIVERSITY SO I DIDN'T GET THAT WORK AS AN ASTRONOMER OR PHYSICIST TRYING TO FIGURE THIS UNIVERSE OUT, BUT WHO CARES IF I LISTENED DURING CLASS AND WORKED MY BRAINS TO MUSH UNDERSTANDING AND COMPREHENDING THE MATERIAL AND OPTED OUT OF MENIAL TASKS TO PURSUE FURTHER AND MORE ENRICHING KNOWLEDGE? I desire purpose, that's all...
Many hypocrisies and contradictions I'm sure. And definitely awful, awful grammar and punctuation, but what would it mean anyways?
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