I've only learned one thing, and that is that things will happen. The things that seem so far off in the future, old age, and death, marriage for some, kids, school for me, holidays, visits. No matter how many years or months or weeks or days or hours they are from now, they will come, they will be here, they will happen. Some things require patience without negligence of course, some things will never happen on their own, you've got to whittle away at them or seize that opportunity immediately or else it will be gone forever and it will never ever come back. Everything will be in the past at some point though. 

Death is coming so fast. I imagine it coming in old age, but it could happen for some stupid ridiculous reason. But it will come, it has come for every single person so far. I'm not scared of death, I'm scared of life coming too fast and happening and being just memories. I want to do the things that I want to do but I don't ever want to be done with them. 

It will come, everything will happen, no matter how far off it seems. It makes me kind of claustrophobic.

I was born too tall.
If I was shorter, I would have just one more thing to be angry about.
But maybe I would have been more humble, more responsible,
More courteous and generous as I should have been, as I wanted to be,
Maybe life would have been cleaner up to this point
And I would have a hundred less things to be angry about.
I would be more humble if I had anything to be humble about,
But I have nothing save for my height, which is nothing really.
I was born with a head too high.

I see the reflection of monsoonal lightning in the passenger mirror.
Where's your whimsy?
Where's your patience?
Where's the solidarity? At least.
You're so deeply entrenched within your own issues.
You're far from perfect,
And you focus on what's wrong with others
As a distraction.
A defense mechanism of yours. Just love.

Technical Difficulties

Like I was saying,
They always happen
When life is taken so seriously and the mood is set tight,
They always happen, and ruin everything.
Ruin or remind us to chill-out.
Life is no more valuable now than it was ten thousand years ago.

 I understand people with faith.
 I respect and envy those who enjoy the comfort and hope of faith.
 Faith is incredibly important and beautiful for those who have it.
 I don't.
 I do sometimes, genuinely,


 But it doesn't last long at all.

So I went hiking yesterday and I started at 6:30 am and went down Bright Angel, and I got down to Indian Gardens and decided to go to Plateau Point cause it wasn't that far. I didn't really have a plan for that day for destinations, I was just kind of winging it. Went to Plateau Point, saw it, came back to Indian Gardens, then decided to go down to the river even though all those signs say not to, I did anyways. Hiking down further and further I knew coming back up was going to suck, but I just ignored that fact. Got down to the Colorado and dunked my feet, it was ice cold but really really really felt really really really good on my feet, my feet were burning, I was hiking in my moccasins. After the river, I decided I wanted to see the bridge that crosses the river, so I kept going. Got to the bridge, decided I should probably just see Phantom Ranch since it's so close. Went to Phantom Ranch, hung out in the canteen, rested, left Phantom at 1:30 and started my way back. I was beyond exhausted by the time I got to the river again and took a long rest and nap at one of the shelters, not sure when I left but it was awhile. About halfway between the river and Indian Gardens I was laying on a rock beside the trail, dying, and these 4 ladies came by and the youngest of them had to have been at least late 30's if not early 40's, and they said they had started hiking at 4:20 am and were on 28 miles at that point and I was completely dumbfounded as to how they had done that, and so I stayed laying there resting as they continued on. Some how they had inspired me to keep going so I caught up to them by the time we had entered the trees and passed them into Indian Gardens. By this time I had been feeling nauseous from the prolonged heat exposure so it was difficult to keep water and food down, and my water bottle had heated up in the Sun so it felt like I was drinking hot shower water. I had brought plenty of water and food, in fact too much water, I had dumped out my biggest container of water coming up because it was just weighing me down immensely and there were tons of places to fill up even though they had that pipe break or something. So I was sipping on water and laying down, waiting for the shadows to cover the rest of the trail up so I didn't have to hike in the heat. I started up the trail at 6pm and by this time I had not an inkling of thought that I would ever reach the top, it took forever to reach the 3 mile mark and even longer to reach the 1 1/2 mile mark. I had to take rests every five or ten minutes and before I had looked for nice rocks to sit on, at this point I was just crumbling into the middle of the path. It was pitch black when I reached 1 1/2 and I thought I had brought my cellphone but I swear I scoured everywhere in my back pack and I couldn't find it, so I hiked in the dark, and there were a couple of guys who had flash lights but I was taking too many rests to stay with them. The moon had just started to peak over the ridge as I neared the top, around 10:30pm so I never got to use the light of it. When I reached the top and got to Bright Angel bus stop I had no idea if a bus was going to come or not and I dreaded the thought of having to walk all the way back to trailer village. So I waited at the bus stop for awhile, nothing came, so I started walking my way back, and at about the train depot I saw a bus and started waving to him to wait and what not but he pulled away and went to the next stop, so I had to chase him down and I was completely and utterly exhausted. Caught up to him and got a ride back, took a shower and passed out. It was close to one of the hardest things I've ever done and I don't think I'll try to hike that far again without camping or something, I saw a lot of great stuff, but I'm going to need quite a bit of time to recuperate before I hike again.

Tsunami

Some kind of Lovecraftian horror.
An amorphous black mass of building materials,
Car parts, and bodies,
Flowing towards you just faster than you can run,
Bound to engulf you.
The unknown consumer of the familiar,
Family, friends, and memories.
You won't drown,
You will be ground and crushed into something
Unrecognizable,
Reconstituted into the mass.
It flows uncontested until some sick consciousness
Rears it back. Placidly it is absorbed
Into the Earth where it waits beyond the imaginations
Of those whose lives have been spared.
Hibernating until it is summoned or unleashed.