I don't like consumerism and I don't like being hypocrite.

I want to do crazy things.
I want to do dangerous things, very dangerous.
I want to have a religious experience.
I want to be near death and hungry and at the absolute bottom and helpless and crushed by society and by myself and deemed worthless by the entire universe and I want the blood vacuumed from my body and my consciousness flayed by alienation and solitude and I want every idea that I have ever conceived and every truth to which I have ever adhered, trivialized and spat upon and be proven a lie that was told to me by my mind and by my authorities and by my reality and I want the Sun the air the Earth the water the birds and the feral dogs to hate me and torture me and never let me sleep and I want to be scared and scarred and emaciated and anemic and jaundiced and sickly and leper and melancholy and dehydrated and starving and sore and tired and VULNERABLE AND WEAK and I want to be all of these things, floating down the Ganges, in the holiest place for Hinduism, Varanasi.
If I am there, and still given the opportunity to live, then I will be free.

Free from all the things that everyone else complains about, "mindlessness." I ask myself, "I understand that Wal-mart, and Mcdonald's and celebritism, and unconscious consumerism is awful, so what can I do about it besides just telling people that it's awful?" I'm searching for proactivity. But I also know that there are so many people that are doing...